20 Worst Songs Of The 80s For Rock Fans

Feature Photo: 2C2K Photography from Houston, TX, USA, CC BY 2.0 <https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0>, via Wikimedia Commons

Putting together a list of the worst ’80s songs was much more challenging than the last one we did, where we showcased what we believed were the worst ’70s songs. The big difference is that the songs from the ’70s we had a little fun with were mostly novelty songs. However, the similarity between the ’70s list and this new ’80s list is that both are filled with songs that, in the end, just got on our nerves. Of course, one reason a song gets on your nerves is overplay, and many of the songs on this list were overplayed. In the ’70s, we just had to deal with them on the radio, but in the ’80s, we had to deal with them being overplayed on MTV.

What also separates this list from the ’70s is that the 1980s were known as the “Big ’80s.” Often, it wasn’t just about the music; it was about the hair bands with their huge, glitter-filled hairdos—both men and women—that, for whatever reason, fans fell in love with. I guess that’s cool; I guess that was just the thing. However, everything about the ’80s felt over the top and overblown, including much of the music. Schmaltz—if you understand that word—there was a lot of it.

So, here we have compiled a list of 20 of the worst songs of the ’80s, pretty much because these are the ones that just got under our skin for various reasons. Every time we hear them, we cringe a little. Of course, some people will argue that many of these songs are very much loved, and that’s cool—whatever floats your boat. But for us, these songs made us feel like we were drowning.

# 20 – That’s What Friends Are For – Dionne Warwick, Elton John, Gladys Knight and Stevie Wonder

As much as I love the music of Dionne Warwick, Elton John, Gladys Knight, Stevie Wonder, Burt Bacharach, and Carole Bayer Sager, there is just something about this song that makes me simply want to shut it off—it’s as simple as that. Maybe it reminds me of weddings, with people hugging each other at the end and then cursing each other out in the parking lot because someone wants to get home faster than the others. I worked a lot of weddings as a musician in the ’80s, and I hated playing this song because the same people who cursed me out for one reason or another while I was performing would then be hugging and kissing each other. I guess it’s personal for me, but I don’t think I’m alone in not liking this one. It’s great singing, great playing, and great performances and all that yada yada yada, but man, this one just brings me down.

# 19 – Party All The Time – Eddie Murphy

Eddie Murphy continued a trend we saw in the ’70s with big-time movie stars heading into the recording studio and turning out a hit single that most people despised. Murphy was riding high in the mid-’80s with very successful movies like Beverly Hills Cop, Trading Places, and more. Unlike John Travolta and David Soul, who recorded syrupy ballads that were huge hits, Murphy went for the dance floor. Fueled by a very cool keyboard lick, this one got a lot of airplay, a lot of spins in the clubs, and, for whatever reason, became very successful. Oy vey.

# 18 – Girl You Know It’s True – Milli Vanilli

We could fill this entire list—or at least half of it—with every song from Milli Vanilli’s debut album for one simple reason: it was all BS. There is nothing worse than a record company releasing an album fueled by male models handpicked to sell millions of records and dupe the general public. Of course, big-time lies always lead to big-time scandals, and that’s exactly what happened when the public found out the two lead singers of the band everyone went crazy over were just lip-syncing. Goodbye, Milli Vanilli.

# 17 – Rock ‘n’ Roll Mercenaries – Meat Loaf

I love the music of Meat Loaf. He was one of the greatest rock and roll singers of all time. His partnership with Jim Steinman resulted in some of the most memorable songs of our youth, and I can’t thank him enough for that. So it kind of hurts to put him on this list. However, there was a time in the ’80s when he and Jim Steinman weren’t working together, and Meat Loaf released a handful of albums—some fueled by great material and others, well, not as good.

When I first heard this song, the opening turned me off right away, but then, as Meat Loaf began singing, a smile started to appear on my face. Suddenly, another voice came into play. I have nothing against John Parr—I always liked St. Elmo’s Fire—but singing a duet with Meat Loaf? I don’t think it was the right career move for anyone. It’s tough to go up against Meat Loaf, and the result was this song, “Rock and Roll Mercenaries.” You can decide whether you like it or not, but for me, I’m going to pass on this one. Just watch the video and you will understand.

# 16 – Leather Jackets – Elton John

For someone who grew up as a huge Elton John fan in the 1970s, Leather Jackets was such a disappointing album. I mean, when you listen to this song and think about what Elton John released in the ’70s—songs like “Tiny Dancer,” “Candle in the Wind,” and Captain Fantastic—not only are they legendary, but they are musical pieces of real substance. Then you listen to this, and it becomes quite painful. I know there was a lot going on in his life, and everybody deserves a break, but I just couldn’t believe that this was Elton John at the time.

# 15 – Backfired – Debby Harry

The song opens with a guitar riff that almost sounds like the beginning of Bat Out of Hell, but then it suddenly shifts 360° into the land of disco. Of course, Debbie Harry was no stranger to disco, as the Autoamerican album had already ventured into the genre with “Rapture,” which was pioneering in many ways. Yet what we have here is basically Debbie Harry meets Chic—or rather, Nile Rodgers and Bernard Edwards. Now, I think what Nile Rodgers and Bernard Edwards achieved with Chic and other artists was fabulous, but I just wanted Debbie Harry to stick to rock music—rock with punk edges, new wave influences, and that really exciting energy. I just didn’t like it when she ventured into this all-out disco-dance thing. And that video… oh Lord, that video.

# 14 – Dancing In The Dark – Bruce Springsteen

Listen to “Jungleland” and then listen to this. That’s all I need to say.

# 13 – If a Girl Answers (Don’t Hang Up) – Vanity 6

The groove is happening on this Prince penned track, but that phone call conversation may be fun on the first listen but after that, its one too many timse. I never heard a song before that the entire lyrics of a song is pretty much a phone conversation between two women fighting over a man (one is played by Prince). Here’s a small sample of spoken word lyrics. “There’s 2 things we can’t stand, One’s a jive talk man, The other’s a jive talk man with no money, Can you dig it?”

# 12 – Unskinny Bob – Poison

Listen there confidence, and then there a video like this……

# 11 – Get Outta My Dreams, Get Into My Car – Billy Ocean

This one makes the list just for the title alone……

# 10 – Ghostbusters – Ray Parker Jr.

Please dont call me……

# 9 – Italian Girls – Hall & Oates

I have always loved the music of Hall & Oates. They have released some of the greatest and most soulful pop music gems of the past 50 years. Sometimes though , you need a producer to say okay guys maybe not this one. Its got a great catchy melody and fun soulful groove but lyrics like this “I drink, I drink, I drink too much Vino Rosso no more Amarone, I eat, I eat, I eat so much pasta basta, I’m so full and yet so lonely,” make me lose my appetite.

Read More: Top 10 Hall & Oates Songs

# 8 – Nothing’s Gonna Stop Us Now – Jefferson Starship

While Jefferson Starship song “”We Built This City” gets most of the hate, we’re actually going to exclude that one from this list and pick on another one of their 80s big hits. I loved Jefferson Airplane and even when they became the Starship albums like Red Octupus were. fantastic. But I guarantee you wouldn’t have found Marty Balin singing on a song like this. Listening to Grace Slick sing this song was really difficult to do after growing up listening to her singing those legendary airplanes songs. I mean her vocal performance is great as always and and so is Mickey Thomas’s but it’s just the song itself that is more sugary than one of those 10,000 calorie Cinnabons you get in the mall. And please spare me the Andrew McCarthy staring video from Mannequin.

# 7 – Just A Friend – Biz Markie

Do you remember how big a hit this was? There have been times, many times, especially recently that I have really questioned what makes people tick in this country. The success of songs like this makes me want to join Space X and fly far away…….

# 6 – Every Rose Has Its Thorn – Poison

I’m sorry but the band Poison makes it twice on this list. It’s interesting that a lot of people who grew up in the eighties and graduated high school in the mid 80s love this band. There’s nothing wrong with that. You like the bands you grew up with especially the ones in high school. Yet for somebody from the seventies who heard this song, the lyrics and even the title, well it really made me long for a new Led Zeppelin album.

# 5 – New Kids On The Block – Every Song

# 4 – The One That You Love – Air Supply

Music history is filled with artists and songwriters that simply write songs just to be hits. I mean of course there’s nothing wrong with writing a song and hoping it will be a hit. However when every single note, chord change and lyric is expressly written for the sole purpose of just making money from a hit single, there will be music fans who duck and rin for cover fatsre than you can say New York Jets.

# 3 – Body Language – Queen

From the band that brought you “Bohemian Rhapsody,” “Tie Your Mother Down,” “In the lap of the Gods,” “Stone Cold Crazy” and so many more legendary tracks. What the hell was this?

# 2 – The Safety Dance – Men Without Hats

Okay with this one we have the song’s lyrics, melody, chord changes, groove, vocal performance and that video. Pick one, pick two, pick three.

# 1 – Ice Ice Baby – Vanilla Ice

I think it was a year or two ago I got a call from someone asking me to interview Vanilla Ice. He was promoting some new liquor or something like that. Well good for him. Hope he made a few million dollars with it. I was pretty busy at the time, so I couldn’t do the interview. Yeah, that’s the ticket!

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